It has been a long while since I last posted on here; as of late things have taken a downward turn. The last time I managed to get away was more than six months ago. That has taken its toll, mentally as well as physically. Over the last couple of years I have had a persistent bladder problem, the prognosis is an over active or dysfunctional bladder. The last year has been bad, camping in the Cairngorms last winter I had to bail out after a really bad night with this problem; by morning I was suffering from hypothermia and frostbite. After yet another hospital appointment and another minor operation I had hoped the problem was resolved. This was not the case; things have worsened to the point where I now spend most of my time in the flat. Last week, I went to view a flat out of London, a nice flat, in sheltered housing. Unfortunately the people living there where so insular and inward looking it was unbelievable; I walked away, saddened by the attitude shown.
Fine, this may seem trivial compared to what some people have to put up with.However, I am reaching an all time low. Looking at things as they stand, I am single, am not in form of relationship nor am likely to to begin one. \Life becomes lonesome asI get older and considering all in all, what am I contributing to society? The short answer is, nothing, I do not socialise and considering things I really question what difference it would make if I decided to quietly bow out while still ahead? Does that sound cold blooded? Consider for a moment the wider picture, society, (a society I may add, where in many respects I am an outsider, a misfit,) is now supporting me, I am no longer contributing. In ancient civilizations old folk work often relieve their society of the burden of keeping them by walking away and quietly dying; doing so with grace and dignity. Maybe that sort of time has come. It weighs heavy on my mind and I ponder it over on a regular basis. Certainly it would be weeks, even months before anyone would realise I was not around and it would be so easy to just disappear..
4 comments:
Chin up Dawn. You would be missed and taking the easy option is not dignified or a benefit to society -it's just a cop out.
Think about writing more, either online or elsewhere . You have a talent for it and it's a useful catharis. You might find that it could provide that direction you are so clearly looking for.
Bloody hell Dawn, you contribute loads - you just can't see it.
Your WONDERFUL (other) blog gives me a huge amount of pleasure, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who enjoys it so much.
Keep it coming!
As anonymous said: 'Chin up'......but I know enough to know that such words are too easily said. It's walking the talk that matters.
Best wishes,
JJ
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm not the brightest.....I've only just noticed that your posting was was February LAST YEAR.
Ho hum.
I'm more than pleased that you are getting out and about!
JJ
Bless you John, no problem. It has been a case of go under or fight back. At present I am trying to raise fitness levels.It is difficult pounding the streets just to put mileage in. My feet are suffering badly. Having been told I need surgery for them and then told I cannot have the op because I cannot provide for after care is frustrating. Round three of the saga is next week.
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