Finally I am due for breast surgery. This is such a muddled area. So many bad memories, so much confusion. Many years back it was recognised I was gender disphoric. However, the prevailing view was, 'society has decreed, thus there is nothing that can be done. That was a very turbulent time in my life and in many respects my life was not my own. Due to so called profesional people's ideas I actually had breast development. However, I was shunted in to a partial breast reduction. Pshycologically that was traumatic, very. Physically it was painful, not helped by the fact that I had an infection with it. Even now I am still tender in those areas. Another down side was the amount of scar tissue involved.
It is odd really, after all that, that even now I still want to go through breast reconstruction. Maybe so, but I feel driven. there is a compelling urge to have this done. How can I be half a woman? It is there in my mind. Like a nagging toothache. Going through life wearing prosthetics is not what I want. In some respects I am torn down the middle. The surgeon has already warned me, this is going to mean pain. He may have to cut through old scar tissue. Due to the fact that I am no longer as young as I was, healing is going to take that much longer. Oddly maybe, but one thing does through my mind, how well am I going to manage earing a rucksack again? From what I can find out, in all probability it will hurt for a while.
